I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that... 'This conversation will be recorded for Training and Quality purpose'

A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this?" "You're speaking to it."

Is google a Jewish mother? Because it won't let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.

I like to show my wife who's boss in our house by holding a mirror up to her face.

Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean one enjoys it?

When tempted to fight fire with fire remember the fire department uses water

When everythings coming your way you are going in the wrong lane