A friend took her dog to the parlor for a haircut, and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would cost her $50, she was outraged.
"I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!"
The groomer replied, "That may be true. But then you don't bite, do you?"
Sunday, July 14, 2013
lonely frog
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "in biology class."
boxer
Pet Owner: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner."
Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer."
Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer."
Things you shouldn't say to a police officer
Things you shouldn't say to a police officer:
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police... officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are!See More
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police... officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are!See More
I'll take____
Judge: "I shall have to give you ten days or $20."
Prisoner: "I'll take the $20, Judge!"
Prisoner: "I'll take the $20, Judge!"
Monday, July 8, 2013
Term
A Stalin era guard asked a political prisoner, "What is your term?"
"Ten years."
"What for?"
"For nothing."
"What a lie! For nothing they give only five years."
"Ten years."
"What for?"
"For nothing."
"What a lie! For nothing they give only five years."
Spreading jokes
Stalin summoned Radek and said, "I know you spread jokes about me. It's impertinent."
"Why?"
"I am the Great Leader, Teacher, and Friend of the people after all."
"No, I've not told anybody this joke."
"Why?"
"I am the Great Leader, Teacher, and Friend of the people after all."
"No, I've not told anybody this joke."
Youthful figure
QUESTION: What's the best way to get a youthful
figure?
ANSWER: Ask a woman her age.
figure?
ANSWER: Ask a woman her age.
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